


Conditioned Devotion

by maydaykevin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kevin Day has a bad day, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Neil's POV, One Shot, canon character death, the fallout of Riko's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 20:03:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20699096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maydaykevin/pseuds/maydaykevin
Summary: Riko's death is rough on Kevin. The Foxes aren't as understanding. Neil rides it out.





	Conditioned Devotion

**Author's Note:**

> heavily based on [this](https://korakos.tumblr.com/post/127360721852/what-happens-to-kevin-after-atkmto-his) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgEKLhvCCVA) is a vibe  
all credit to Nora Sakavic for the extra content

The celebrations were short lived, but Neil hadn’t expected anything less. 

With Riko’s _ accident _ postponing the passing of the championship trophy to early the following morning, the Foxes had little to no sleep after the muted celebrations in their hotel. Wymack promised a proper party when they were home and the Foxes would hold him to his promise. 

The ceremony wasn’t entirely welcomed by the remaining Ravens, who wouldn’t even dare look in their direction as the announcer went through his formalities with thinly veiled scorn. Riko’s absence was a gaping hole in their lineup. It didn’t bother the Foxes, not in the slightest, the sheer relief they felt triumphing anything else. 

They left Edgar Allen only minutes after Dan took hold of their merited trophy, waiting briefly for photos before they moved from the stadium to the safety of their bus. Not needing to look behind his back for wandering eyes was a welcomed change for Neil, the conversation with Ichirou still fresh in his mind. 

Neil feared it was some obscure dream. He wouldn’t be able to clarify with anybody, only his eyes and ears having witnessed what could only be described as bone deep _ relief. _ He didn’t think he’d ever forget the bullet hole in Riko’s temple, and Neil wasn’t sure if he wanted to. 

He was exhausted by the time he and Andrew took their familiar seats on the bus. The morning sun had barely risen, the sunlight warm on his bruised skin and Neil instinctively huddled closer to Andrew who didn’t say a word. Wymack said something loudly about stopping at a diner close by for a breakfast they’d missed and Neil was beginning to drift off to sleep when Kevin’s hushed voice disrupted his stupor. 

“Did you have to break his arm?” 

Neil felt Andrew’s body tense up, “Did he ask for your permission when he broke your hand?” 

Kevin was quick to fall silent and Neil drifted into unconsciousness. 

Waking up was disorienting. He hadn’t slept long, Neil could feel it with the way his body ached, but the bus was empty save Andrew still seated next to him. Neil glanced outside and noticed the Foxes huddled in two booths through the window of the greasy diner. 

“Why didn’t you wake me?” 

“My arm was dead, it rendered me useless,” Neil glanced down at Andrew’s arm. It was trapped behind Neil’s back and he instantly moved to free him, a slither of concern keeping him on edge. Andrew leaned forward, albeit languidly, like it moved mountains to do so. 

Wordlessly Andrew rose from his seat and Neil followed. He struggled to conceal his limp, his muscles begging him to drift back into the comfort of sleep, but Neil’s hunger drove him forward. He didn’t eat at the hotel, the adrenaline leaving him hot and sickly and Neil had learnt never to waste food. 

Neil noticed Kevin and Wymack first. They weren’t seated with the others, having taken a small two-seater adjacent to them and their tall frames looked childishly large for the tiny table. Andrew and Neil sidled into the booth opposite Aaron and Nicky, the latter pleased by their appearance, “I ordered you eggs, a lot of them.” 

The food didn’t take long and Neil was unsure if that was good thing. The eggs were lukewarm and a little like plastic, but Neil’s stomach was long passed caring. Andrew stabbed at his breakfast like it had personally offended him and the Foxes vibrant chatter overtook the small diner. 

There was a certain peace to the scene, one that was quick to be disrupted. 

A silence settled throughout the diner when the small television read through the news, _ “…breaking news from the _ _ Exy _ _ world tonight. Star Raven player, Riko Moriyama, was found dead this morning. Early reports of the incident are saying suicide…” _

Kevin pushed passed Wymack and flew through the diner’s door, his ten-dollar breakfast spread across the pavement. 

_ “Jesus Christ, _ where’s the closest liquor store?” Wymack asked, looking increasingly drained the longer he watched Kevin through the window. None of the Foxes made any quips, nor did they say anything, rendered speechless by the bombshell. Neil continued to chew on his eggs. 

“Can someone help me with him?” Wymack looked to Andrew who merely stared in response. As if expecting as such he turned to Neil, eyes expectant. 

Neil knew he had the greatest understanding of Riko and Kevin’s relationship, and the phantom ache of the blistered tattoo burned him from the inside out at the thought. But for him to be able to console Kevin when their reactions were polar opposites, Neil wasn’t sure he could. Relief was not grief; it could never be. 

“Neil,” Abby lingered by the upperclassman’s booth, her face as white as the dreary blinds. He could tell she was itching to go outside but someone needed to keep the others in check, “you should go.” 

“What are you doing?” Andrew’s voice stopped him when he rose to his feet, Wymack already out the door. Neil opened his mouth to speak but Andrew bet him to it, “Where’s your customary freak out?” Neil’s lips quirked and he cursed himself for the tell. 

Andrew stared at him a little longer, and his eyes narrowed just the slightest. Neil half expected what was going to come out of his mouth, but it was still a shock to the system when he heard the words, “You knew, didn’t you?” 

By now the other’s attention was on the pair, Nicky especially, who watched Neil with uncertainty, “How could he have possibly known, Andrew? Don’t be like that, not now.” 

Neil only had eyes for Andrew. As he sucked on his cracked lips Neil weighed his options and he only came to one solid conclusion, “We aren’t doing this in front of everybody. Later.” 

Andrew leaned back in his chair, “How long were you going to keep this to yourself?” 

“Woah, woah, hold on,” Matt stood up and almost sent his bacon and eggs flying, his cutlery still rattling from where he bumped the table, “you’re not seriously saying what I think you are?” 

“I haven’t said anything.” 

“You’re implying it!” Nicky sounded hoarse, like he’d swallowed the knife Andrew was no doubt about to impale in his thigh, “Neil, you’re _ kidding, _ you have to be.” 

A vicious tap on the window drew their attention. Wymack was on the other side, face like thunder and his finger pointed directly at Neil. It then landed on Kevin and Neil blinked. _ Right, Kevin. _Neil gave them no more answers. 

Neil breathed in the morning air hungrily, unsure if he’d be able to face Kevin on an empty stomach. He approached Kevin and Wymack slowly, the former hunched over by the gutter with his head in his hands. His chest heaved and his back was taunt, Kevin's entire body quivering in jerky movements. 

Neil’s muscles protested when he sat beside Kevin, and his hands lingered in his lap, unsure of what to do with them. The smell of the vomit was acrid, but Neil had smelt worse. He chose his words carefully, under the watchful eye of a clearly distressed Wymack, “Kevin, remember what I told you back at the cabin?” _ Die free or die a failure, the choice is yours. _“You’re free, he’s gone.” 

Kevin didn’t even let out a grumble, nothing to confirm he’d heard Neil. 

“He hasn’t said anything,” Wymack looked ready to burst out of his skin, his muscles rippling with the tension, “fuck, _ fuck. _Motherfucker even ruins the mood in death.” Neil leaned down to try and look at Kevin’s face, but his view was obstructed, Kevin having curled himself into a tight ball. 

Neil knew his irritation was misplaced, he’d anticipated such a reaction from Kevin, but it didn’t make it any easier to see. He wasn’t sure how to get through to him, “This is the best thing that’s happened to you, Kevin, and that’s why you’re vomiting in the gutter.” _ He doesn’t deserve your grief, _ Neil held back from saying, _ fuck him. _

His joints cracked when Neil rose to his full height. He wandered back to the window and locked eyes with Andrew who immediately moved. He appeared already half off his chair, like he’d expected to be summoned, and Neil wondered how he’d held back as long as he had. Andrew’s fingers graced Neil’s arms when he walked passed him and Neil leant into the touch. 

He came back to himself when Andrew kicked Kevin’s shoe. At the lack of acknowledgement Andrew huffed, “He’s broken, try turning him off and on again.” 

Wymack looked seconds away from dragging him back into the diner, _ “Andrew.” _

Andrew crouched down and clicked his fingers, “Kevin.” _ Nothing. _ “Kevin,” Andrew clicked again, eyes darkening the longer Kevin ignored him, “Kevin, stop it.” His temper soon got the better of him, and Andrew's hand was lightning fast when he reached for Kevin. He ripped Kevin’s hands from his face and gripped his chin, tilting it upwards so he could get a good look at his red rimmed eyes. 

Kevin’s unfocused eyes eventually recognised Andrew was in front of him and talking to him. His lips wavered, an incomprehensible noise spilling from his mouth before he fell silent again and Neil thought he looked a lot like Riko before he was put down. Defeated, broken, _ a shell of former glory. _

Andrew, evidently displeased, pressed his thumb hard against the chess piece and Kevin winced, “Was this for nothing?” Neil was unsure if he truly heard the latent disappointment in Andrew’s voice or if his fraught mind was distorting his judgement, “Just for the press?” 

The parking lot fell silent and when Kevin didn’t rise to the bait Andrew stepped back to glance at Neil, “This is annoying me.” 

“Go back inside, both of you,” Wymack sat down next to Kevin, a timid hand making its way to his back. It was a rare display of comfort and Neil hoped Kevin was conscious enough to comprehend it. His voice was tired and held next to no bite, “you’ve been no help.” 

The diner was eerily silent when the pair returned to their seats. The other patrons seemed completely uninterested, unaware of the storm sweeping through the group. Neil knew they wanted answers, but he couldn’t give them to them, not now, maybe not ever. 

Nicky’s knees bounced rapidly, and it upset the jug of water to his right, “Is he okay?” 

Andrew didn’t bother answering so Neil spoke for them, “No.” 

“Is he going to be?” 

“I don't know." 

It was an agonising fifteen minutes before Wymack entered the diner. He didn’t stay for long, ushering them out of the booths and into the parking lot. They huddled by the bus, and Kevin’s was nowhere in sight. Neil could picture him sitting at the back of the bus like a misplaced statue. 

“Alright, listen up! There’s been a change of plans,” Wymack’s voice captured their attention and halted any individual discussions immediately, “Abby is going to take you all back to South Carolina, I’m staying here with Kevin.” 

“Coach,” Dan muttered after the hubbub died down, “are you sure that’s the best idea?” 

“I’m not exactly thrilled with this either,” His response was more candid than Neil expected given the circumstances, “but he’s... he’s not doing too great and I have a feeling he’ll be getting an invitation in a few days. Might as well just stay up here and prepare for that disaster.” 

Allison was the first to voice what they all were no doubt thinking, “Is he _ seriously _ upset?” The lilt to her voice held something ugly and the expression on her face was just as twisted, “Is he fucking deranged?” 

“Allison,” Renee chided kindly. Neil watched as she discretely stepped in front of Allison and Neil pondered how Andrew had reacted behind him, “find compassion, this is complicated.” 

“It’s really not,” Matt stood beside Allison in solidarity, “it’s actually really fucking simple. Riko doesn’t deserve anything from Kevin, not after everything he’s put him _ and _ the rest of us through. He’s got to understand that, there’s no way he doesn’t and there’s no way he’s going to the funeral.” 

“Tell him that,” Wymack’s words sounded final and the Foxes fell silent. 

The bus ride back to the hotel was tense. Neil could practically taste it; the glare’s the rest of the team were sending Kevin tangible. It continued even as Wymack ushered him off the bus, his movements sluggish and slow like he’d been physically injured. 

Andrew was nonchalant and Neil didn’t know what to think. He remained silent even as Wymack waved them off and Abby pressed her foot down, Carolina back in their sights. The mood was significantly less rigid without Kevin’s presence and Neil figured everyone was keeping silent for their own sake. 

They couldn’t escape Andrew’s wrath in the confines of the bus, and Neil could only do so much. 

Neil slept through the majority of the seven hour drive. His body hadn’t been able to take it any longer and he felt more than secure with Andrew by his side. Opening his eyes to the stadium was a relief, the orange a safety blanket, and Neil couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling of euphoria at the sight of what he could consider home. 

He was still half asleep when they loaded into their cars, but not before Dan rushed into the stadium to give the trophy its new home. Neil heard her mutter something about, _ “a proper welcoming” _ when Wymack returned. Abby bid them a tight-lipped farewell. 

“I guess we’re not having a party,” Nicky moped against the wall of Fox Tower, completely oblivious to Aaron struggling with his bags beside him, “what’s the point in winning if there’s no party?” 

“We _ will _ be having a party,” Allison announced at the stairwell, “in our room tonight at seven. You’re all invited.” 

Aaron was dubious, “You seriously want us to come?” 

“Not really, but I like Neil and you all seem to be a package deal,” Allison’s eyes drifted to Andrew, “well, at least two of you are.” 

Andrew got the truth out of Neil at four. They were on the rooftop sharing a cigarette when Andrew asked what Neil was waiting for, “Explain.” 

“Security intercepted me when I got out of the showers, said they had a few questions for me. They lead me into a room, my uncle was there, as was Tetsuji and Riko.” 

Andrew’s knuckles went white, “And?” 

“Ichirou shot him.” 

Andrew hummed and pulled the cigarette from his mouth, “I’m sure that was liberating.” 

He almost choked on his next words, Andrew’s comment taking him off guard, “I believe they aren’t done with Kevin and I; we’ll just have to wait. If they wanted us dead, we'd be on the news with Riko.” 

Andrew’s eyes were steely, “If they try-” 

“They won’t.” 

“And if they do?” 

“I’ve handled worse.” 

Neil inhaled the smoke Andrew puffed at him with a deep sigh. 

It took an hour longer for Nicky to ask about the elephant not in the room, “How do you think Kevin’s going?” 

Andrew shrugged from where he sat by the window, “If he’s not getting his stomach pumped at the hospital, he’d be in a fetal position somewhere. He can deal with it.” 

Nicky pulled himself onto the counter, the plates rattling as he did, “It feels like a joke, you know? No way can he be dead, no fucking way.” Nicky’s eyes eventually settled on Neil and he braced for impact, “Were you, uh, serious before in the diner?” 

“Nicky,” was Andrew’s only warning and Nicky unsurprisingly heeded it. 

Seven came around quicker than Neil anticipated. The girl’s room was blaring with music by the time they got there, sparse snacks and already half empty bottles littering the island bench. The quartet, having brought their own alcohol, immediately overtook the far corner of the room. Allison and Dan were too drunk to comment on it, but Renee made sure to send them a polite wave. 

Matt beamed when he saw Neil and he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “It’s surreal, isn’t it? I’m worried I’ll wake up, gotta keep on pinching myself to remind myself we did it.” It took Neil a moment to realise he was talking about beating the Raven’s and not Riko’s death and he nodded animatedly in agreement either way. 

Kevin’s absence was obvious but none of the other’s seemed to care in their revelry and considering their reactions on the bus Neil was unsure if they’d ever forgive him for his grief. Neil knew Kevin wouldn’t care what they thought of him, but he was quietly worried about how it would affect the dynamics of the team. Neil almost couldn’t believe himself as he sipped on his juice. 

_ I sound just like him, _ he thought, _ Andrew would never forgive me. _

Andrew tolerated the party for an hour, but it was an hour longer than Neil thought he’d last. 

Neil bid them all a goodnight before he left, his chest alight with warmth at the sight of their smiles and laughter. He was too exhausted to speak, and Andrew seemed to understand. He was quiet when he led them into the bedroom, and Neil felt every strained muscle when he changed. Andrew turned the light off before he could crawl into bed. 

He spoke from behind him, “Neil?” 

“Yes?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes.” 

Andrew’s mouth on the back of his neck made him sigh. He stood there with his eyes closed, his aches and pains melting away the longer Andrew kissed him. He didn’t know how long it lasted but Neil knew it ended too quickly when Andrew finally pulled away. Neil was content when his head finally met the pillow, the ghost of Andrew’s hot mouth on his neck and Kevin’s psyche on his mind. 

Kevin was back a week later. 

Neil knew he’d arrived in South Carolina earlier, but Neil figured he was hiding out at Wymack’s for a few days. Judging by Abby’s horrible poker face, he was right. He’d almost tripped over his suitcase when he’d arrived back at the dorms from his run. For a moment Neil thought one of the upperclassman’s bag had somehow ended up in their room, it was a few days out from summer vacation after all, and stranger things had happened. 

Kevin was sat on his bunk when Neil entered the bedroom, and for a second he was glad Andrew was with Bee. Kevin looked how Neil knew he felt, worn thin and most likely still in a state of shock. His hair was a mess, and the dark circles around his eyes looked unpleasant in their intensity. But there was something else, something Neil couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

“You played well,” Neil blinked owlishly, having not expected Kevin to speak first. He kept going, “You stumbled at half-court and your last delivery was sloppy, but you played well.” 

Neil couldn’t help his dumbfounded grin, “Nice final goal.” 

Kevin hesitated, “Yeah.” 

He shifted on his tiptoes, not knowing exactly what to say to Kevin. He’d had a week to prepare but his mouth was dry whenever he tried to speak, and he hoped that Wymack had given him some kind of spiel that Neil could never replicate. 

“I know what the other’s think of me,” Kevin confessed, “Wymack told me.” A few seconds passed, “Do you feel the same?” Kevin sounded unsure of himself and Neil didn’t know why it stung so much to hear. Perhaps he was mourning Kevin’s mindset the night he’d gotten his tattoo, but he didn’t linger on the thought. It was still there, Neil knew it was, this was just a roadblock he’d overcome as he always did. 

“I... understand, Kevin.” Kevin’s exhale was loud, “You don’t need to guess how I feel about it, I'm sure you know, but I do understand. I’m not an idiot.” 

“I would disagree.” 

Andrew’s voice startled them both. He was stood in the doorway with his arms wound across his chest, and it crossed Neil’s mind that he had no idea how long he’d been there to listen in on them. Andrew simply nodded at Kevin, and the latter gave him a bemused nod back. 

“Have you told him?” 

Neil tilted his head in confusion, “About what?” 

Andrew only shrugged, Neil’s words confirmation enough for him, “I’ll give you a few more minutes.” 

It clicked for Neil when Andrew disappeared. _ Did Kevin have any idea what actually happened that night? _Neil studied Kevin with a frown, unsure if he should even bring it up. It felt like kicking Kevin when he was already down, and he’d fallen hard enough already. 

“About that night, Riko, he-” 

“I’m not an idiot,” Kevin echoed Neil, “I can put two and two together.” He paused, until, “I know what happened to him and Tetsuji.” 

Neil eyed the space that used to hold the number on Kevin’s cheekbone, the queen now all consuming, “Good, because I didn’t want to have to explain that.” 

Neil was almost out the door when he spoke again, this time with finality, “Give them time and I think they’ll understand.” 

“It’s not them that I needed to understand.” 

Neil hovered and turned back around to face him, “I don’t think Andrew cares.” 

Kevin’s face scrunched up like the words pained him, “I’m not talking about Andrew.” 

Neil was in the hallway when Kevin’s words clicked, and his steps faltered just the slightest. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're a subscriber and I've appeared in your emails, hey, it's been a while. I'm a little rusty with aftg so I hope the characterisation hasn't been too butchered. And if this has been written before, my apologies, this has been in my drafts since 2016 and I picked up right where I left off.


End file.
